Emo the Cat

He was just a domestic shorthair. A common house cat. Still, when we picked him up from Catzablanca in Rocky Hill, we knew he was the cat for our family. He was originally going to be called Peeper, since he seemed to peep more than meow. I figured that he would eventually grow out of that and wanted to call him something else. His named ended up being Emo, after comedian Emo Philips.

Emo was an independent cat, choosing when he wanted to be around us. usually, that was by either curling up next to us while we watched TV, or lying on our backs when we slept. One time, when he was just a kitten, he even came into my room when I was a sleep and decided he wanted to be on my pillow. I'm in bed, and I feel this little paw on the back of my head. So I move over a little bit, intending to slare the pillow. Again, I feel a little paw nudge on my head, and again I move over a little more. With the third paw nudge, I found my head off the pillow. And there he was, lying on the pillow with that innocent, "What? What I do?" look.

Emo was like that. When he wanted something, he'd let you know. If his food dish was empty, he's come into my room, jump on my dresser, and start pushing books off of it, usually on me. Either that, or he'd jump on my parents dresser and start knocking stuff off of it. There were even a few times when he'd rest his paw on a small bottle or something near the edge and wait until he had our attention before pushing it off.

It seemed like his favorite hobby was getting in the way. He'd see you were walking somewhere in the house and race to get ahead of you. Once there, he'd start slowly meandering around, lingering in front of you. he especially liked to do this when you had things in hand, like groceries or other shopping. It was like he knew there was no way you could pick him up and move him out of the way then.

Only once did this hobby of hid get the better of him. It was a Sunday night. My dad, who had been commuting from here to Washington DC at the time, was getting ready so that he didn't have to worry about it the next day. Emo wanted to be in the bathroom. He had long discovered that it was a nice spot for him. It was sunny during the day, and was the one room that was most likely to have an open window. My dad shooed him out of the bathroom so that he could finish up. But, Emo being Emo, took his sweet old time in getting out. What he didn't count on was that my dad didn't see his tail was clear of the bathroom door. One closed door and one panicked cat later, he was now sporting a shortened tail. A few weeks, a few trips to the vet, a cone for his head, and one for his tail later, he was back and once more getting into our way. Still, it was something I never let my dad forget. Whenever we saw a cat in a picture that looked like Emo, I would say, "That looked just like Emo, except he has a tail and Emo doesn't. I wonder why tail is?" (It was only the tip of his tail, but the exaggeration made it seem funnier at the time).

Emo remained active, even after he was diagnosed with diabetes two years ago. Our family adjusted to it. Feedings twice a day, and shots just as often. His snacks were cut down to help keep everything under control, but he still would get a special treat of chicken or turkey every now and then. He seemed to have a sixth sense for when we were going to make a sandwich, racing down to the fridge even before we pulled out the cold cuts.

Eventually, old age and diabetes caught up with him. He began to eat less, and not be as active. the Tuesday before we brought him to the vet, he did not want to move or eat. Well, except when I went to get him some turkey to see if he would eat that. But, even then, he couldn't quite make it to the fridge. He tried, but he was just too tired.

Emo died Sunday. He may have been just a domestic shorthair cat, but he was still a member of our family. And we will miss him dearly.

Board Membership... Withdrawn

I came to a decision. I've decided that I really need to pull back from all the various message boards, groups, forums, and whatnot that I belong to. In some cases, it's because of conflicting personalities. In other, it's just a feeling of not really fitting in. So, I've begun to shut down all the various accounts that I have all over the internet. In the process, I've seen a few interesting things.

When I deleted my Sci-Fi forum membership, I found out that my profile was still showing up. I'm not sure if it's a maintainence thing or not, but it's still there. Worse still, people can still use it to send me PMs. I still get emails notifying me of these PMs, but I can't view them since my account doesn't exist, though it's still there... sort of.

There are two message boards I can't shut down. One is the Wizard boards, which I'm closing because I don't like Marvel Comics enough to exist on those boards. The other is a spinoff board from Sci-Fi's boards, made by people who kept having problems with their log ins on the Sci-Fi board. It just seems weird to me not to let anyone shut down their accounts, or at least, make it so difficult to find that most people just say forget it and just delete the site.

Cleaning out the myspace groups ran into some fun when I tried to clear out the Coast to Coast AM group. Apparently, it doesn't exist anymore, yet it still shows up on my groups list. I can't resign from it since the group site doesn't exist anymore. It's just... there.

Regardless, I'm pretty much down to five groups now, two on myspace (one of them is by college group, the other a comic book creator group... I'll probably drop that soon, too), and three through Yahoo. The Yahoo ones are all email based, and one is work related. Regardless, all of those are pretty easy to ignore (check all, delete, done).

Are we really sure that the "Who" Horton heard wasn't The Doctor?


Just one of those goofy ideas that strikes you in the middle of the night. This one stuck in my head until I finally whipped it up.

This is what I'd be as a Dog?

Curious to see what you'd be?

Posting Less

Not that anyone would notice, considering how often I post, but I will most likely be posting even less for the next month. I am participating in the National Novel Writing Month. The event is where writers attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. I figured that I'd give it a try, guessing that maybe a hard deadline will actually get me to write - and finish - something.

The Music Top 10 (Week Ending August 11th)

1. Bring Me To Life - Evanescence
2. In Time - Mark Collie
3. Everything Burns - Ben Moody Featuring Anastacia
4. Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) - Cobra Starship
5. Learn To Crawl - Black Lab
6. Doctor Who Theme - Murray Gold & BBC National Orchestra of Wales
7. Batman Beyond Main Title - Kristopher Carter
8. You Know My Name - Chris Cornell
9. Let Go (LP Version) - BarlowGirl
10. Toccata and Fuge D-Moll BWV 565 - Johann Sebastian Bach • Vanessa Mae (Violin) • Produced By Mike Batt

One Less on the Newsstand

At the end of August, the newsstand will see one less tabloid. The Weekly World News has announced that it end publication, remaining on the internet (read the story here). In spite of its net presence, it will be missed at the checkout counter. So, in honor of the Weekly World News, a few headlines that we won;t be seeing on the newsstand.

Zany Town Elects Park Bench Mayor... For The Third Time!

Aliens Ruin Property Values By Parking Flying Saucer In Front Yard

Three Signs That Your Child Is A Serial Killer

Roswell Aliens Back Barack... Feel Hillary Showed Too Much Cleavage

Election Reform Requires Talent Show For Candidates

It's True! Ross Perot Really Won The 1996 Election!

Anti-Christ Returns To Earth... As Llama

More Random Thoughts and Lists

Action Figure Lines that Should Be Considered

1) Classic Television - Would include Firemen Roy and Johnny from Emergency, Sgt. Joe Friday from Dragnet, and MacGuyer.

2) Pulp Heroes - This line would have to include The Shadow, Doc Savage, The Spider, and Tarzan (either in 6 inch or 12 inch format).

3) Primeval - A British series about scientists investigating creatures that are slipping through holes in time. This would be a small scale figure series to allow for the creatures to be produced.

4) Firefly/Serenity - A 12 inch line that would include Malcolm Reynolds, Jayne Cobb and Zoe to start off with. A second series, if it did well, would include Simon and River Tam, mechanic Kaylee, as well as a Reaver.

5) Dresden Files - Choose either the TV series, or the novels, both would make some really cool looking toys.

Random Thoughts and Lists

Top 5 Missions that Show G.I. Joe is running out of Adventures
1) Peril of the Tax Audit
2) Mystery of the Lunch Meat
3) Search for the Honest Politician
4) Secret Mission to the ATM
5) Search for the Parking Space


Top 5 Names Action Man's Dr. X has been Called
1) Mr. X
2) Professor X
3) Dr. Evil
4) That X guy, what's his name?
5) Murray


Top 5 Vehicles That Would Be Cool for G.I. Joe
1) Carthaginian Elephant
Imagine a 1/6th Hannibal riding a 1/6th war elephant. That would be very cool.
2) Striker
See old episodes of Mail Call for this one.
3) PT Boat
4) 2 man exploration sub
We've had the Sea Wolf for the Adventure Team. We need to see something like this again.
5) Police Cruiser


Top 5 Animals that Need to be Made in 1/6th Scale
We've had some dogs, and lots of miniature apes, along with the cheap plastic animals that dominate many an Adventure Team photostory, but I'm talking about articulated animals done to scale.
1) Elephant
I'd buy a couple if this was released.
2) Gorilla
The pygmy gorilla, either version, just doesn't cut it for me.
3) Lion
This one would be cool if it came articulated and with a "real" mane.
4) Rhinoceros
5) Okapi
If Joe can pursue yetis, he can go after a discovered "cryptid"


Top 5 Rejected G.I. Joe Ideas
1) K.P. G.I. Joe
2) Senator G.I. Joe
3) War Profiteer G.I. Joe
4) Tear Gas Training G.I. Joe
With no gas mask, and special tearing and getting sick action
5) Bucking for Section 8 G.I. Joe
Think Klinger from M.A.S.H.


Top 5 Figured that Should Be Made
1) Villain Poacher
Comes with rifle, ivory handled pistol, safari hat with eagle feathers in the hatband, alligator boots, snakeskin belt, and tiger tooth necklace.
2) Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
A good one this time, with articulation... lots of articulation!
3) Frontier Scout
Something that won't set us back a couple of hundred because the only one out there was made in England in 1973.
4) Die Hard's John McClane
If they can make tons of James Bonds, how about a John McClane. It could come with stolen machine gun, service pistol, lighter, twinkees, and, of course, no shoes.
5) Medieval Highland Warrior
Like from Braveheart, but more historically accurate.

5 Shows for Summer Viewing

It's summer, and it's too hot and too buggy to go out. So that leaves you flipping through the tv channels trying to find something to watch. Here are a few suggestions

Burn Notice - Jeffrey Donovan plays Michael Westen, a spy who's been "burned." Basicly cut off from his former life, Westen is stuck in Miami, trying to find out why he's been burned. Naturally, he's forced to take on various odd jobs in his pursuit to find out what happened.

Monk - Tony Shalhoub returns as Adrian Monk, San Francisco's obsessive compulsive detective.

Eureka - Sci-Fi brings back Jack Carter's adventures in "America's smartest little town." Look for Season 1 currently on DVD.

Doctor Who - David Tennant returns at the last of the Time Lords. Joining the Doctor on his journeys through space and time is Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman).

Ghost Hunters - Undoubtedly the most successful of Sci-Fi Channel's reality television series. Whether you are a believer or skeptic, it is fascinating to watch each investigation.

Worst Movies of the Last 10 Years

Let me start off by stating that this is my list. Undoubtedly, there will me people out there who will think I'm crazy for choosing what I have. If you care to make suggestions, be my guest, but remember, this is strictly my own opinion.

As for my criteria, it's pretty simple. First off, the movie had to be released within the past 10 years (1997-2007). Secondly, I had to have seen it. Sure, Town & Country may have been hideous, but I didn't see it, so it doesn't count. Finally, it must have been released in theaters. This rules out all direct to DVD and Sci-Fi channel shlockfests.

The list (in no particular order)

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace - A real disappointment since the first three movies which are actually the last three movies (I'm stopping there before the headache gets worse). The characters were flat (except Jar Jar Binks, who was just annoying), and the story was weak, a real shame considering how long Lucas had to work on it. This was the movie that made me not want to pay full price for a movie again (yay matinee).

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones - Episode 1 was a disappointment in that I thought it could have been a lot better than it was. Episode 2 killed the magic of Star Wars for me. Where the characters were flat and uninteresting in Episode 1, the were just total jerks in Episode 2. It is sad when you have a talented cast like Episode 2 had (and Hayden Christensen), and the best acting is from a computer generated muppet.

Aeon Flux - I never really got into the original MTV cartoon, beyond the occasional appearance on Liquid Television. I was willing to give the movie a chance. Unfortunately, I found it totally incomprehensible. Sadly, I doubt that following the original source material would have improved the experience.

Ultraviolet - Probably the first time in a long time that I've watched a movie and not cared one bit about what was going on in the movie. Basically, it's on this list because I was left with a feeling of great indifference.

Batman & Robin - I loved Burton's first Batman, and liked Batman Returns, though I felt that there were too many villains. Batman Forever was so-so; I would have preferred a more cerebral Riddler (like in 1990's cartoon series). But Batman & Robin? Poor acting from Clooney, Silverstone, and absolute wastes of villains Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy and Bane (who could have carried a movie on his own... if he was done like the comic). Clooney was right, he killed the franchise. Thankfully, Hollywood had a Lazarus Pit (ask a comic geek if you don't get that).

Alone in the Dark - Why is this on the list? Because they cast Tara Reid as a scientist.

House of the Dead - Based off a video game (and bearing little resemblance to it), this movie was not just cliched, but horribly cliched. It's no surprise that reviews of its sequel often say, "This isn't by any means a good movie, but at least it isn't as bad as the original."

Bloodrayne - This movie cemented Uwe Boll's reputation as a 21st century Ed Wood Jr. (though, let's face it, Plan Nine From Outer Space is so much better than anything Boll has produced). Also remember, Uwe Boll is also responsible for the above mentioned House of the Dead.

Matrix Reloaded/Matrix Revolutions - My final two movies for the list, which I put together for a specific reason. In my opinion, these two movies, separately, are two pale sequels to the original Matrix. If you would take these two movies, make a few edits (like cutting down the orgy in the grotto from the second movie), and combine them into one 2 hour movie, you would probably have a real good movie. Otherwise, as 2 separate movies, it just dragged way too much.

Hero Sounds

Just for fun, I decided to put together a playlist of hero related music. The basic criteria was that it had to have been in some sort of hero/superhero movie, tv show, or the such (so songs like R.E.M.'s Superman did not qualify). I did upload this to itunes, but (of course), not all my selections were available, so the 60 song list dwindled to 18. Here is the full list (with explanations). As always, I am open to suggestions for other such songs (as well as looking for The Phantom soundtrack to add... I may have to just bite the bullet and buy it from Amazon).

Doctor Who Theme - The version I used is from the new BBC series.
Superman: Main Theme - From the Richard Donner Superman movies.
Bring Me To Life - One of two contributions to the Daredevil soundtrack from Evanescence. Not all that bad of a movie, as superhero movies go, but the Director's Cut is better.
Jonny Quest - The theme to the classic Hanna Barbera cartoon
The Tick - Not the live action version, but the far superior animated version... SPOON!
Batman Beyond Main Title
In The Light - From the Elektra soundtrack. Good soundtrack, bad movie.
Molossus - From Batman Begins
Robocop - Main title from the movie
Batman - the Main theme from Tim Burton's cinematic version, composed by Oingo Boingo frontman Danny Elfman
Learn To Crawl - From Spider-Man
Fantastic Four - main title score
The Shadow - Main theme from the Alex Baldwin movie
X2: X-Men United Suite - Available on the CD Comic Strip Heroes
Angel - The opening title theme to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin-off
Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Main theme from the TV series
The New Adventures of Superman - Classic cartoon theme
Spider-Man - Like the Superman theme above, this is the classic theme to the classic cartoon
Daredevil Theme (Blind Justice Remix)
The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest - An attempt to update Jonny Quest for the 90s, aging Jonny to teenager, and adding in virtual reality elements.
The Six Million Dollar Man - "Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him"
Everything Burns - From the Fantastic Four soundtrack
In Time - From The Punisher soundtrack, standing out because of how different it sounds from the rest of the album, and its performance during the diner serenade.
The Name's Bond... James Bond - Representing the British superspy, taken from the Casino Royale soundtrack
Touched - By Vast, from the Angel: Live Fast, Die Never CD
Extreme Ways - From The Bourne Supremacy
Burn - one of the few Cure songs I like, from The Crow soundtrack
Yu-Gi-Oh! Theme - Call it a guilty pleasure, but for a while, I was actually watching this anime show afternoons (it beat watching Springer).
Somebody Help Me - Theme song to Tru Calling, Eliza Dushku's second heroic role, though no where near as rocky as Faith's path to heroism.
I Melt With You - Bowling For Soup's cover for the Sky High soundtrack
Mystery Men Oath - Not really a sound, just a dialogue life from the movie that appears on the soundtrack
Holding Out For a Hero - Jennifer Saunders performs this in Shrek 2 as Shrek races to the rescue.
Sin City End Titles - Fitting music for the Frank Miller inspired movie
Flash - Danny Elfman's theme to the short lived TV series.
Save Me - Smallville main theme
The Incredible Hulk - Theme - Actually the closing theme, always played as David Banner is forced to move on
The Avengers - "Mrs. Peel, we're needed."
Red Right Hand - Peter Yorn recorded this for the Hellboy movie. I think the better version is the Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds version, found on the X-Files: Songs in the Key of X CD
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai - Another guilty pleasure
The Rocketeer To The Rescue & End Credits
Princes of the Universe - Queen's theme song for Highlander
Conan The Barbarian - Anvil of Crom - Arnold Schwarzenegger's star turn as the Robert E. Howard sword and sorcery hero.
All Star - Smashmouth's song, used for both Mystery Men and Shrek
Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - Theme from the ABC tv series
Mortal Kombat - A real guilty pleasure of a movie
The Green Hornet - from the 60s tv series
Stargate - From the movie.
The Lone Ranger - Little known fact: The Green Hornet and the Lone Ranger are related.
Darkman - Danny Elfman composed this moody piece for a hero without a face.
The End Is The Beginning Is The End - Smashing Pumpkins contributed this to the Batman and Robin soundtrack, the one with George Clooney
Won't Back Down - By Fuel, found on the Daredevil soundtrack
Hero - The big summer hit from Spider-Man, sung by Nickelback's frontman Chad Kroeger
Bother - From Spider-Man, Attributed to Stonesour frontman Corey Taylor on the soundtrack, and the full band on their album.
My Immortal - Evanescence's second contribution to the Daredevil soundtrack, later becoming a huge hit from their own CD
Broken - From The Punisher, heard playing over Joan's radio right before Frank Castle beats up her abusive ex-boyfriend.
Slow Chemical - Also from The Punisher soundtrack, though most wrestling fans will know it as Kane's entrance music.
Breathe No More - Appearing on the Elektra soundtrack by Evanescence. A live version appears on their Anywhere But Home CD
I Stand Alone - From The Scorpion King
Space Ghost - The classic Hanna Barbera theme, before he became a cheese talk show host.
The Raider's March - The theme to Raiders of the Lost Ark, and nearly every Indiana Jones related project since.

The Perils of Being James Bond

001) The picture on your license to kill looks only slightly better than your driver's license.

002) Angry at all the destroyed cars, Q gets your driver's license revoked. You're forced to chase Largo on a bicycle.

003) The other Double O's laugh at you because you manage to evade several armed guards in your Aston Martin, but crash trying to evade your reflection in a mirror.

004) You get confused when facing down Blofeld, you accidentally call him Dr. Loomis, Kojack, and that guy from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

005) Constant arguments between yourself ("Nobody does it better") and Wolverine ("I'm the best at what I do") over who is actually the best.

006) You keep having trouble telling who is CIA agent (and seemingly master of disguise) Felix Leiter.

Cell Phone Etiquette (Or, Don't talk about that here).

I don't have a cell phone. I had one for a couple of months, but decided that I didn't want it. So far, I've been able to live without it. It still amazes me that so many other people can't seem to do the same. Worse still, it seems that most of these people have no common sense or common decency.

Take this past weekend. I went to dinner with my parents at one of the local fish restaurants in the area (not my choice - I hate seafood). We were seated fairly quickly, which is unusual for this place because it's pretty nice and usually pretty busy.

Everything was pretty nice until someone in a nearby booth had to make a phone call on his cell phone (or got one, I'm not really sure about that). Immediately, this once quiet gentleman starts talking loudly. As near as I can tell, it was simply because he was on a cell phone. This is usually the first thing that I find annoying about a lot of cell phone users. They have this need to talk louder. Sometimes it's to speak over a lot of noise, sometimes it's to compensate for a poor connection (the same logic that Howie Mandel says most people use when they are speaking to someone who doesn't understand the language). Most times, I think it's just a status move to make other people around the cell phone user think, "Hey, he's important."

I'm not really sure why he was talking louder. Frankly, I didn't care. I cared more about the fact that he was speaking loud enough for us to hear his side of the conversation clearly. Not just our table, but the table next to us as well. Every word of his work related call was very clear.

Oh, did I mention that this guy was either a coroner or a medical examiner?

You can probably imagine that much of the conversation left us a little less hungry, even before "Quincy, M.E." got to the instruction, "Put 'im in a body bag and freeze him." After that, I really didn't feel like eating my prime rib anymore.

So, remember, if you need to discuss making a Y-incision in a body over your cell phone at a restaurant, please, GO OUTSIDE!

Roller Coaster

I wanted to try something a little different. Actually, I just wanted to try adding pics to my blog. Since I wanted to get this list out anyway, it seemed like a good way to kill two birds with one stone.

Anyway, stating for the record, I don't like roller coasters, never have. It's not like I'm afraid to go on one, it's that I'm deathly afraid to go on one. Yet, in my mind, there are those special people who I believe would be able to get me to go on a roller coaster.

They're called women.

Granted, it's not every woman that could make this happen. Barbara Walters couldn't get me on a roller coaster if my life depended on it.

Naturally, a list like this is constantly changing, especially the top five. And I've limited it to celebrities (though I know of one or two women that I know who aren't celebrities who could get me to ride a roller coaster). At this particular moment, the list tends to lean towards the shallow ("she's so hot, I'd go on a roller coaster with her"), but, as I said, it's constantly changing.

The Shallow List (in order, yet in no particular order).

1) Elisha Cuthbert

Kim Bauer from 24. While it did get a bit tiresome watching Kim constantly get into trouble every season, Elisha has that girl next door look (unintentional pun). If she asked nicely, I think I would ride a roller coaster, just not one that loops.





2) Willa Ford

Singer, Ultimate Fighting host, Lingerie bowler, Willa Ford makes the list not only because she's quite attractive, but she appeared in a Six Flags ad campaign riding a roller coaster. Seeing that ad made me want to ride one.







3) Paris Hilton

While she is attractive, her naivety as to how real people live is a real turn off (it's a nice way of saying she seems a bit elitist to me). She does, however, have a big bank account. She could pay me enough to ride a roller coaster.





4) Pauley Perrette

Abby from the CBS show NCIS (Think CSI in the Navy). This is the one person on the list where it's the character (perky Goth lab tech Abby) and not the actor behind the character that would make be say "okay, the Wildcat it is."

 

5) Amy Lee

Lead singer of Evanescence. She is quite talented, so I wouldn't mind being seen on a roller coaster with her for that. And she is quite attractive, so, again, being seen on a roller coaster with her isn't a bad thing.

Playstation and Playboy

At Christmas, I made a decision. With the growing complexity of computer games coming out, my graphics card was becoming obsolete. Correction, it was functionally obsolete. So, I decided to look into getting a new graphics card. After checking out the prices, looking at the requirements of the games out now, and considering that I would have to install it, I came to the conclusion that it would be cheaper just to buy a Playstation rather than upgrade.

So, my Christmas present became a PS2. Damn that thing is addicting!

I've been hooked. And given that the PS2 is going to be obsolete probably by the end of this year with the release of the PS3 - okay, maybe next year if the price quotes I keep hearing are accurate - that's really something. It's pulled me back into the EA NHL world (which I left after I think 2003... I lacked the skills to direct my shots, even at beginner). And allowed me to play a lot of the games that I wanted to play but couldn't because I didn't have a PS2, or a graphics card capable of running the games (those would be the Silent Hill Games).

It's just a shame that since Christmas, the only blog thought that's gone through my head was "Blog later, play now." (Just imagine 2 months worth of entries like that).

-----

Undoubtedly, many of you have heard the story already (link). The gist of it that Jessica Alba wants Playboy to pull their March issue off the newsstands because she appears on the cover. Her argument is that the cover shot gives the false implication that she is naked within the issue. Needless to say, I felt it was necessary for me to throw in my 2 cents.

The issue in question has been on the newsstands for two weeks prior to when the story of Alba's displeasure at being a cover girl came out. So, for two weeks, we've heard nothing about this. Granted, it is possible that maybe some Jessica Alba fan site's been flooded with letters condemning her for posing nude in Playboy (after all, she's on the cover, she must be naked within, right?). Somehow, though, I severely doubt it.

Take into account a few other facts. As Playboy has stated, a number of women have appeared on the cover, but remained clothed within. Also, she was voted in a reader's poll as 2005's sexiest star. It doesn't hurt that two of the three Alba movies released this year (Sin City - great flick - and Into The Blue) featured her as a stripper and a bikini clad vacationer (I have to admit, I haven't seen Into the Blue, it looked too much like The Deep, which I thought was dumb). Given the number of stories that came out when Sin City was released about her lack of a desire to appear nude on film, I don't think that there are many Alba fans out there would would have made the mistake of thinking she was nude inside.

Let's also look at the common sense issue of this. If Playboy actually had Alba nude, the headline wouldn't have read 25 Sexiest Celebrities. It would have probably been more like Into The Blue: Skinnydipping with Jessica Alba or Jessica Alba: Sin City Sinsation.

She should be happy that readers thought enough of her to vote her into the list and take the free (good) publicity instead of trying to generate her own (bad) publicity.

How to Tell if You're Patheticly Lonely

1) You're fondest memory of romance is when you failed to ask the girl you had a crush on out.

2) You refer to TV shows by the names of their attractive female cast members (example: The Abby Show instead of NCIS).

3) Putting Mercury on your list has nothing to do with the cars themselves.

4) You watch NFL every Sunday not for the games, but for the brief moment when the cheerleaders are shown.

4a) You remember refer to Super Bowl XXVIII as the one where the Dallas Cowgirls beat the Buffalo Jills.

5) Your five rock hard standards for finding a girl attractive have diminished to one.

5a) "Liking you" isn't the remaining rock hard standard.

6) You read the comics and wonder if Mother Goose is available.

7) You have your name taken off the no-call list so that you will get some phone calls.

8) You wish you had the active social life of the two guys in the Barcardi and Cola commercials.

The Anti-Love Song List

Often times, music matches my mood. It's the main reason why I listen to so much different stuff. And thanks to itunes, I can actually assemble an entire playlist that matches the mood I'm in.

In this case, it's an anti-love mood. Not that I've been wronged romanticly, it's just that's it's hard to assemble a "too much of a coward to ask her to dinner you idiot!" playlist. And there are tons of anti-love songs to play when you just want to forget.

Naturally, this is not in any particular order, and I'm always open to suggestions. It's the best way to be introduced to new things. These are the first 25.

Shame, Stabbing Westward - A wonderfully hard rock song with overtones of hyperdependency and a fair share of stalking. Definitely the wrong side of love.
Love to Love You, The Corrs - From their first album, this song is about recognizing unrequited love.
Love Stinks, The J. Geils Band - The anti-love song.
Heartbreak Hotel, Elvis - Nuff said.
If This Is It, Huey Lewis and the News - A Break-up song... it's just a shame that no one told him they broke up.
Since You've Been Gone, Kelly Clarkson - Shedding that American Idol stigma, Clarkson kicks it up a notch with a great song about realizing that you've been blinded by love.
You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling, The Righteous Brothers - To be honest, I'm almost tempted not to include this on the list (Thank you very much, Tom Cruise). But it is still a good anti-love song, in spite of becoming a cheesy pick-up song.
I Don't Believe In Love, Queensryche - Something that we've all told ourselves at one point or another.
Since You've Been Gone, Weird Al Yankovic - A short little ditty about how he feels now that she's gone, with a great punchline.
Haunting Me, Stabbing Westward - That horrible feeling after a break-up when the one you loved and love seems to be everywhere... kicking you in the....
The Breakup Song, Greg Kihn - They don't write them like this anymore.
Jeopardy, Greg Kihn - What happens when it's all to obvious that the relationship is falling apart?
You Outta Know, Alanis Morissette - This is one angry woman.
Suspicious Minds, Elvis - What happens when the trust is gone
(I'm not your) Steppin' Stone, The Monkees - There you go, falling in love with someone who's just going to walk all over you.
You Keep Me Hangin' On, Kim Wilde - Or, the Supremes, if you want the original.
Sometimes It Hurts, Stabbing Westward - I've come to the conclusion that the lead singer of Stabbing Westward has never had a successful relationship.
Gone, Kelly Clarkson - A possible companion to Since You've Been Gone?
I Quit, Hepburn - From the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Soundtrack
Hard To Say I'm Sorry, Chicago - This is definitely true if you've nothing to apologize for... or if you're a big-headed guy.
I'll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me, Expose - Let me get this straight, you broke up with him, and now you're all bummed out because he's moved on?
Poison Arrow, ABC - "I thought you loved me but it seems you don't care." "I care enough to know, I can never love you." Ouch
Who's Crying Now?, Journey - Someone definitely got hurt here.
How You Remind Me, Nickelback - Only one way to decribe this woman: bitch.
Why Can't I, Liz Phair - Not necessarily an anti-love love (unless you consider the fact it's deals with an affair bad), but I include it because I find myself often struck speechless and breathless by someone I'm attracted to, often to the point where I can't get something as simple as "Hey, would you like to get a bite to eat?" out.

Figure Lines I'd like to see

As I mentioned before, I'm a toy collector. Well, technically, I collect toys that are cool, at least in my opinion. So, I don't really have complete sets of anything stored away in a vacu-sealed vault, just a bunch of toys on my desk that when I saw them I said, "Hey, that looks cool," and bought. The only exception would probably be the G.I. Joes, and anyone who's been to my other sight (http://solarstar.50megs.com/) could tell what usually happens with the Joes (though I've been in a bit of a doubt lately).

Anyway, thanks to places like Media Play, Suncoast and the like, there is a boom of figures that are directed towards older audiences, or (as many put it), those geeks who refuse to grow up and stop playing with toys. There are lines for Alias, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sin City, even Scarface. If it's out there, some company has marketed a toy line for it.

Well, almost. There are a few shows that have, as yet, escaped the toy liscensing. And, frankly, some of them would be real cool, if you ask me. So, here are those series that I think should have toy lines created for them.

1) CSI - Forget the followers, we want to see figures of the Vegas team. Starting with a 3 figure first series, each with a field kit and accessories especially for each character, we'd have Grisson (with jar of racing beetles), Catherine (with suitcase full of glow in the dark money from "The Finger) and Warrick (with improvized "artificial nose" and blackjack hand). There's even the option of a variant with a beardless seasons 1-3 Grissom.

2) Battlestar Galactica - There have been numerous toys revolving around the old series, but it's now time to see some spawn from Sci-Fi's new version. The first series would definitely have to include Apollo, Commander Adama, Starbuck, and Six.

3) Stargate SG-1 - Why, why, why hasn't anyone jumped on this yet? One of the longest running Sci-Fi series on television (and probably ever), and the closest we've gotten to a toy line is the weak line that came from the movie. The first run would definitely have to include O'Neill with P-90 submachine gun, Carter with Stargate Dialer, Jackson with ancient tome, and Teal'C with Staff weapon.

4) Doctor Who - There's been little stateside from Doctor Who when it comes to toys. But, with the success of the new Who series in England, and Who-fans waiting eagerly for any stateside sign of it, a figure line would be the perfect complement to the stateside release of the first season, even if the only figures involved are the Doctor and Rose.

Hollywood Rules and Traits

Just a few rules that seem to dominate Hollywood lately. I decided to leave out the obvious ones (don't have sex in a teen slasher movie) because everyone knows them, and so many people have written about them.

Doctor Cain's Law

If the girlfriend of a doctor/med student dies in the course of a movie involving reanimation, the doctor will use the process to resurrect her. (Named for Dan Cain of Re-Animator, and making appearances in House of the Dead and The Mummy Returns - though it is the son in this instance)

Burton's Reflexes

The unique trait allowing a hero to catch a knife thrown at him and throw it back at his attacker. (Named for Jack Burton of Big Trouble in Little China, though seen in The Mummy Returns as well).

Rule of Survival #1

If you are a college kid invited to a really bitchin' rave on a secluded island, DON'T GO!!!

Rudy's Forced Foreshadowing

The brutal demonstration of a particular skill that becomes vital later in the movie. this form of foreshadowing has all the subtly of a wooden axe handle. (Called for the incredible bluntness in which House of the Dead character Rudy says of his ex-girlfriend, "she wanted to focus on her fencing. What good is that?")

Rule of Survival #2

If you are involved in a scavenger hunt, chances are that nothing on your list can be found in the abandoned army base just outside of town.

Skill Absorption

Unique trait found in many college kids which allows them to be able to use a handgun/shotgun/rifle with marksman skill, even if they have never picked up such a weapon before. This ability is rarely found in anyone who utters the words, "Don't worry, I saw this in a movie once."

Rule of Survival #3

It's okay to be considered a chicken if a dare involves going into a house/school/cemetery where a lot of people were killed years ago... and they never found the killer.

Matrix Skill

Dominant in the Post-Matrix Hollywood films where fighters (especially unarmed fighters) have the ability to defy gravity while the camera spins to a different angle (not necessarily to get a better shot of the action, mostly just to show they can).

My Brother, My Zombie

When faced with the idea that a relative is a blood-thirsty monster, or will soon become one, the living relative will always insist on finishing it, usually saying something like, "No, I'll do it. It's only right."

My Brother, My Zombie Correllary

The actual incident will go down in one of two ways: a) After great hesitation, the relative will close their eyes, aim the gun (shaking in hand), apologize, and fire; or b) The relative will close their eyes, aim the gun (hand really shaking), and start crying, at which point someone else will finish the job.

Rule of Survival #4

When confronted with the possibility of flesh-eating zombies, locations for supplies should include: A) A gun shop, B) Supermarket (for food), and C) The Medieval history wing of the local museum for chain mail so the damn suckers can't bite you (in a pinch, any dive shop that sells those metal shark suits will do).

Pet Survival Rates

A pet's survival rate relies heavily on whether it can be more startling for it to jump out at someone alive, or be found dead. In most cases, cats usually live much longer than dogs.

Sci-Fi to DVD alterations

The only real changes between the movie that debuts on the Sci-Fi channel and the unrated DVD release are: A) A LOT more swearing, B) A slight increase in gore, and C) At least one shot of an unknown starlet topless.

Theatrical to Director's Cut

Most people cannot tell the difference between what they saw in the theater and the unrated director's cuts (Notable exceptions: Lord of the Rings and Daredevil)

Language absorption

Similar to skill absorption, except dealing with languages. Usually manifests in one member of a group who just so happens to read Spanish/French/Latin/Sanskrit/Cuniform.